As an Emotionally defined being I’m here to feel my emotions in depth, to go deep within and feel all the feels. Before Human Design I thought everyone was like this. Well, of course that’s not the case. Half of humanity is emotionally undefined and they experience emotions differently.
My mind goes back to the image of my Solar Plexus center as an ocean. That’s the analogy I find describes best how I take in and process my emotions. And since being in my experiment and having this awareness of my emotional system I’ve started to notice my waves, to observe the movement of energy inside my body once a pebble or a rock or a boulder has been thrown my way.
It’s like Ra says, it’s a chemistry, and once a wave starts you can’t stop it even if your rational part knows it’s not a big deal, it’s not something worth your time and energy. But it doesn’t matter what the mind says or thinks because the waves are moving whether I like it or not, whether I agree or not.
It is indeed like watching the ripples of a stone thrown into a lake – there’s nothing you can do to stop them – they will keep forming until they fade away, naturally.
It’s a waiting not a doing.
Nothing to do but observe and be present with those ripples and with the sensations in my body.
I might have tears coming up, feel a heaviness in my chest or a knot in my throat. These sensations show me where old stuff is still stuck in my body and where I need to work on releasing them. I can be both emotional and rational in these moments. I can cry and realize it’s nothing more than energy moving through my body, the ripples caused by whatever rock I took in.
That rock is usually something that doesn’t seem “big” on the outside, such as an unexpected nasty remark from someone I love, a harsh tone in their voice, a perceived lack of presence when I’m expecting quality time together.
Over and over again I notice it’s “the little things” that cause ripples in my emotional ocean. If I’m aware in the moment and I say something and express whatever I feel needs expression then the ripples fade away quite quickly. And then it’s like the rock dissolves before it touches the bottom.
If I don’t do anything and let the rock sink and ignore what’s going on because whatever reason my mind invents – or if the situation is indeed an urgent and important one and doesn’t allow time for my process – then the rock goes to the bottom of my ocean, and while the surface ripples are long gone it keeps creating deeper waves.
So I might be able to ignore them for a while, get busy with things, try to numb myself with food, like eating something sweet or by distracting my mind and scrolling mindlessly on social media or whatever. But it doesn’t go away unless I take time to be with it. Feel those waves and acknowledge what’s going on.
Sometimes it might be a rock that’s been there for years and I don’t remember what caused its appearance. But if it’s a recent one I usually realize what’s happening and I can do something about it. I can allow myself to feel and express whatever needs to move through my body, and also if that’s the case talk with the person who threw that rock in the first place. Not to blame them or put it on them but to let them know where I’m at and what happened to me in our earlier interaction.
This usually bring me back to a neutral, calm place…for a while, until the next pebbles, stones, rocks arrive and shake my waters up. It’s awesome when I know what’s going on, I don’t blame myself anymore for whatever’s going on.
I know it’s a natural process and I allow it to be.
And I don’t blame the other either.
Sending love,
Raluca